One of the more common questions I am asked as a mental performance coach is “how can I make my athlete more mentally tough?” While I understand where this question comes from, I think it is an oversimplification of a much more complex athlete experience.  So often we hear sports commentators or coaches talk about being tough mentally, but what does that feel like for the athlete.  In my experience, mental toughness is something that is observed from the outside looking in. In other words, athletes will rarely speak of themselves as mentally tough because the skills that they employ to be mentally tough are more important. 

The current sport psychology research defines mental toughness as “a psychological resource that enables athletes to initiate and sustain goal-oriented efforts towards achieving optimal levels of performance in the face of stressors that vary in duration, frequency and intensity” (Stamatis Grandjean, Morgan, Padgett, Cowden, & Koutakis, 2020). Within this definition there are a few things to note.  First, mental toughness is both initiating and sustaining the difficult thing.  Starting a challenge can be just as hard as sustaining it through adversity.  Secondly, the efforts to be initiated and sustained must be goal oriented.  An athlete who has a strong sense of where they want to go will stay on the road longer than one who doesn’t know where the road leads. Third, the direction of the effort should be towards the athlete’s optimal performance. Athletes who maintain a posture of toughness do so to perform at their best regardless of the situation. Lastly, mental toughness requires stressors to test the athlete’s resolution.  These can be intense over a long period of time, such as a catastrophic injury, or a small setback that lasts a moment; but all serve to knock an athlete off the path.

So now that we have a strong definition of mental toughness, what are the trainable skills that can be used to develop it in athletes?  The first skill is effective and positive goals setting.  Setting positive and effective goals plays a critical role in developing mental toughness. Mentally tough athletes are not just those who push through adversity. They are those who stay committed to meaningful, purpose-driven goals even when challenged. Clear, specific, and process-focused goals give athletes a roadmap to follow when things get difficult, anchoring their focus and effort.

By emphasizing what they want to achieve rather than what they want to avoid, athletes train their minds to stay solution-oriented and resilient. This mindset reinforces persistence and confidence, two core components of mental toughness. When setbacks occur, goal-driven athletes are more likely to regroup, adapt, and stay on course because they have a clear understanding of what they are working toward and why it matters. In this way, effective goal setting is not just a planning tool; it is a mental skill that strengthens an athlete’s capacity to perform under pressure and stay mentally engaged through the ups and downs of sport.  But goals alone aren’t enough. Athletes also need to understand the conditions that allow them to pursue those goals most effectively, this is where awareness of peak performance states comes in.

Awareness of peak performance states is a key aspect of mental toughness, as it allows athletes to recognize and recreate the conditions under which they perform at their best. Mentally tough athletes are not only able to push through adversity but are also deeply attuned to how their thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations interact during peak performance. This self-awareness helps them identify patterns and triggers that contribute to optimal focus, energy, and confidence. By understanding what “locked-in” feels like, athletes can intentionally prepare themselves to reach that state more consistently, even under pressure.

This level of awareness also supports better decision-making and emotional regulation, as athletes learn to adjust their mindset and routines to align with their ideal performance zone. Ultimately, being aware of peak performance states empowers athletes to take control of their mental game, making toughness less about enduring stress and more about accessing the best version of themselves when it matters most. Stressors are a necessary part of sport, and an athlete’s ability to handle them while maintaining peak performance (or even returning to it after a setback) is the difference between good and great athletes.

Reframing the ability to handle stress from a fixed ability to a dynamic skill is incredibly effective for athletes to overcome acute stressors.  Many athletes view their mind like a bucket, that stress is added to until it overflows.  If they can reframe their ability to overcome stress as a muscle that can grow, it shifts the entire mindset around pressure and adversity. The bucket model suggests that stress accumulates until it spills over and leads to breakdown, promoting avoidance or minimization of stress as the only solution. In contrast, viewing stress tolerance as a muscle emphasizes growth, adaptability, and resilience.

Just like physical training, exposure to manageable levels of stress, followed by recovery, can strengthen an athlete’s capacity to handle future challenges. This reframing encourages athletes to engage with stress rather than fear it, recognizing that each difficult moment is an opportunity to build mental strength. Rather than seeing themselves as fragile or limited, they begin to trust in their ability to grow through discomfort. This mindset is foundational to mental toughness, as it promotes a proactive, empowered approach to adversity instead of a reactive or defensive one.

When an athlete is able to grow from stress and adversity while maintaining peak performance towards strong and positive goals, those around them will likely see it as mental toughness.  The athlete will experience it as a product of many sub skills that looks like toughness when put together.  This is why athletes will very rarely refer to themselves as mentally tough because they see the steps that were taken to get there. For coaches and  parents, rather than trying to coach mental toughness, think about the sub skills that will allow an athlete to demonstrate toughness rather than trying to coach it from the top down.  True mental toughness isn’t built by demanding grit—it’s developed by consistently training the skills that help athletes stay focused, adaptable, and resilient through adversity.